Today I have a lovely friend of mine, Tatiana, offering up some awesome dating advice for all of you single folks out there. If you want to know more about Tatiana, go to her website or follow along with her dating adventures on Instagram. Thank you so much for this awesome post. Please don't forget that I'm offering a special online dating photo session and coaching session with my friend Elizabeth - click here to find out more!
The Smart & Single Guide:
5 Practical Steps to Thriving in the Dating World
1) Life is comprised of moments: bad ones and wonderful ones
If you are on a crappy date and all they do is talk about him or herself and somehow they still want you to split the bill; this is a bad date, but more importantly it’s a really bad moment. It doesn’t mean that the minute you walk out of that restaurant your bad moment needs to follow you. Don’t let it snowball into something bigger, it’s just a moment.
The same rule applies to the great moments. Embrace them wholeheartedly. Drink them up as if they were the last dirty martini on the planet, better yet in the galaxy! It’s a moment, a fleeting moment, so #OwnYourMoment and don’t be so scared of what comes next that you don’t get to experience what’s happening right now.
2) Tinder and OK Cupid Quickmatches are your FRIENDS
For reals….. A monkey could do this; Minimal effort with the biggest return. If you’re stuck in line at Whole Foods and can’t handle reading anymore headlines of the latest gluten free discovery, swipe right, swipe left. If you‘re in the women’s bathroom line (because let’s face it, the women’s line is always ridiculous) swipe right, swipe left.
#SmartandSingle Fun Fact: Don’t get too attached to your swipes. All this does is shake up the queue. It’s as if you’re letting the Tinder and OKC gods know, “Hey buddy….I’m still single. Who else do you have for me?” It shuffles the cards having you appear in more people’s feeds while introducing yourself to potential new suitors. I swipe any boring moment I get! I’ve even done it on an airplane right before takeoff. And guess what? I matched with the hottie sitting in the aisle seat a few rows behind me.
3) A watched iPhone never rings
If you come home from a really good or really bad date, immediately get back on line and keep yourself available. I’ve always said there are four burners on every stove. I’m not telling you to be a playa. Heck no! Homie don’t play that game (I being the homie). But sometimes you have to keep the casual burners going until one dish is really really good.
As women we have a tendency to get excited about the first dish and then we forget about the marinara sauce in the back, or the linguini on the side burner. We focus so much on the chicken meatballs in the front that sooner or later we realize chicken meatballs actually suck. And now we’ve burned the sauce and overcooked the pasta and have probably become extremely hangry. (Hangry: When hunger and anger collide developing into the most evil version of one’s self)
Keep your options open. Don’t wait for him or her to text you. Get back in line and meet new people. Swipe right, swipe left.
4) Be who you are from day one
Playing Miss Cool with the funny banter and not so serious attitude will get you another date and probably another one after that. But in the end, all you will have is funny banter. Don’t be afraid to let the people know what you want and what you’re looking for. I’m not suggesting being a buzz kill from your first conversation,
“Hi my name is Tatiana. I like long walks, naps, and am looking for someone who has their shit together and by shit I don’t mean bullshit.”
WRONG (loud alarm sounds going off here) There’s a way to say this with charm.
“It’s taken a while but I finally have my shit together. And I’m looking for someone on the same wave length who truly wants to be in a relationship.”
Play the game as much as you want, but ultimately it’s just prolonging the inevitable. And I much rather experience something awesome and authentic then the same four months over and over again.
5) You don’t have to date every good guy
Just because someone treats you well doesn’t necessarily mean he is the right good guy for you; nor should you feel obligated to go out on another date or “make it work. “ There’s something to be said for being loved. We love how this person makes us feel, but deep down we know something is missing.
The crazy part is this good guy adores us so much that we feel guilty not being with them. So we proceed to convince ourselves that there can’t be anything wrong with him, and the problem must be us. The challenge with this is that months/years can go by and the only great thing you have to say about your relationship is, “He’s a really good guy.”
What I’ve taken from these good guys is that they are in our lives to set a barometer for how we deserve to be treated. They adore us because we’re awesome! We are smart and single women and we DESERVE to be adored. But don’t waste his time and take the good guy for granted. And equally important don’t take yourself for granted. You deserve the entire package. There are other great guys out there and one of them might be the right great guy for you.
Bio: Tatiana is the writer of the Smart and Single Guide and founder of BY TATIANA.com. Her goal is to empower single women through her products and workshops, to own their moment by focusing on what they do have in their life as opposed to what they don’t. “You might have it all tomorrow, but you choose what you have today.” At heart she is an inventor and entrepreneur living in New York City. She enjoys long walks, witty banter, and good old-fashioned meatballs. And yes, she is smart and single.